Love And Cannabis 0006: Postpartum Sex and Cannabis

Osiris Stephen and Nina Simmons** share very personal, very intimate details about their sex lives. After Aiden was born Nina was not interested in having sex which confused and frustrated Osiris. When Aiden was diagnosed with epilepsy their lives were understandably turned upside down. The stress of managing his illness further extended their intimacy prohibition. They talk about how using cannabis to help them reconnect and ultimately save their marriage.

*Produced By MJBulls Media | Cannabis Podcast Network*

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Dan Humiston:
For too many years, families have children with devastating illnesses felt helpless as they watched their child suffer. Today, they're taking matters into their own hands and finally, finding relief. Treating their child with Cannabis. This is one family's story.

Nina Simmons & Osiris Simmons:
Hi. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Love and Cannabis. I am Nina Almost Cyrus and we are the proud parents of a and so glass episode.

Nina Simmons:
We said We're going to talk about sex and Cannabis.

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah.

Nina Simmons:
So. Oh, Cyrus. What is up with you guys and sex and in terms of. After the baby is born. Well, since you put it that way, I mean, sex in general. No.

Nina Simmons:
This is kind of now Nowra down to, you know, that after baby postpartum. These OK, so that's a little complicated, but not I mean, generally, guys always arouse. I mean, you think about for the eight, nine months, you're pretty much almost hands off only once in a while, you know, at the time you have an interest you'd want to. But then after that, when is born, it's like. And I recall during a time that you were breastfeeding 80, you would literally hands off. It's like milk is for baby.

Osiris Stephen:
You're not getting anything in your coffee.

Osiris Stephen:
That could be too good to take to go. It it's all about your body, your mind, your spirit was all about aid and making sure he was fine.

Osiris Stephen:
And that was for, what, two years? Two and a half years?

Nina Simmons:
Yeah. So I'm one of those mothers that really breastfed her long time. I did it for two and a half years. So for those two and a half is torture. It was rough. Sex life was rough because I really had a very low sex drive and really wasn't interested. You know, in that intimacy. So it was rough. You know? I know that did cause a rift in our relationship.

Nina Simmons:
But so I wanted to know why.

Nina Simmons:
So I went and did some research in terms of why do women feel that way? Because, you know, I talked to my girlfriends. I wasn't the only one. A lot of girls will say, yeah, yeah, I didn't. Do not want to be touched. No, especially. They just still have no desire and want to know why. And is cooking summarizing. I read an article. Is it basically you are antigen levels a little higher and our testosterone levels really, really drop and that what kind of gets the libido going? The testosterone. So that definitely plays a factor into that. Some parents, some mothers would say that they're just too tired. You know, that was me. You know, I thought that was it. I was just exhausted. When you breastfeed the babies and have the baby and wants to nurse every two hours, every hour, sometimes. So sometimes when they're having like a growth growth spurt, it's like you really feel like you're breastfeeding all day. You've just done. And I was done like that was the last X was the last thing that I was thinking about. And I really wasn't thinking about our relationship at all. It was like. I'm the mommy cop. He's the baby cub in my goal and only desire is to make sure that my cub is OK and fed.

Osiris Stephen:
And that was very apparent when I'd come home.

Osiris Stephen:
It was interesting to watch.

Osiris Stephen:
So, you know, I remember one experience when I was home because at the time we were really getting into the nursing. I was a stay at home dad. I was taking care 8. And you've already left milk for 8. And then you came home from work. You're like, OK, I'm four. Where is he? I like he's just laying out I gotta get this milk out. He has to get it. And I'm standing there like, OK, hand over Aiden to you. You take off your top. You take him and just nurse and I sit down, like you said, it is me.

Osiris Stephen:
Oh, it's better. Can I touch him? Is like, nope, strictly for junior. My great.

Osiris Stephen:
Great. And that went on for two years. Two and a half. I think he did. Nurse And the funny thing is that it was sad to see, but I'm happy at the same time because I know myself as being, you know, taking care of your nursing and using your body for this purpose and this purpose only and for the fact that I had to put and suppress all my desires aside and allow this natural act to happen.

Osiris Stephen:
So I supported it wholeheartedly supported. But when he started having seizures and, you know, you're done with your breastfeeding and now he's eating now and all these things are changed again.

Osiris Stephen:
Your whole focus in body now is about him. So again, my feeling is that my knees are OK, not pushed aside. But that is understandable because of the fact that now aid is going through something else and we have to be all hands on deck.

Nina Simmons:
So basically, I felt like I was hit with a double whammy. So I was going through all the things that new moms go through. And then when you start to normalize, when the child is around two or three where you feel OK. All right. Now, I stopped nursing. I'm trying to get my body back and my breasts are maybe coming back because, you know, I don't know math in press for so long.

Nina Simmons:
A breast is a little like flapjacks.

Osiris Stephen:
Flip them.

Nina Simmons:
So, yeah, things are starting to normalize for me. And then, bam, you know, here we go with the seizures. So then at that point, I was depressed so that because the low self sex drive as well.

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah. There was a lot of suppressing going on in the focus. And I remember the conversation we had one time we like, you know what? I can't think about any intimacy or even your needs right now because the fact that it was going through some. So I'ma be honest and I'll put all my energies and thoughts into helping Aiden and you apologize. He's like, look, I'm sorry for what may or may not happen. Whatever you decide. But I can't think about you and your needs as I'm thinking about Aiden. And I'm like, OK. All right.

Osiris Stephen:
My son, my family, I had to make the sacrifices that to figure out. Know how to get around that and just suppress my own natural desires, wishes as a man. You know, we're made out of testosterone. Testosterone is who we are and what we push. And so. And that's part of it, because that makes us a man. But, you know, it's not the whole picture. But also, I'm a man. I'm a dad, a husband. And, you know, as a supporter and a provider. So we say those things. They make you who you are. Is now a part has to be suppressed in order to achieve the ultimate goal. But as women may know and as guys knows, A is only so much surprising. These two women are in. But that came up with a decision. We're like, OK. Do I suppress or do I go outside the relationship to get my needs met? And for the most part, the thoughts run through your mind. To be honest, say yes. Thoughts have run through my mind. Meeting women here, going to events. But at the same time, it never came fruition because it was things that come to mind like, OK, you do this.

Osiris Stephen:
Damn, why didn't you know? I was like ABC and D issues. And it's like, you know, why is it worth it?

Osiris Stephen:
And at the same time, you know, you still love your family.

Osiris Stephen:
You just don't want to add any other burden that's already going on that you have to deal with. So that was one of the things that just kept me grounded, saying, you know what, it is not her fault. I can't blame or is like as if we have this massive issue that's hanging over us. It's like this is about our child. We we have to be selfish sometimes and just make some sacrifices and just say, look, I'm a hold off and just really work my family, my wife and supporting her and supporting my family because, you know, this is my son. It's not someone else's family. I got to support, especially emotionally, mentally and physically.

Nina Simmons:
So, yeah. So as a mom for mothers like that, you know, that connection is very, very strong. So if he's not OK, typically I'm not OK. So I'm not going to feel a need even really for fun. That's all my friends and family, like when Aiden was really going to the real rough patch, when they were really trying to figure out what worked for him to help with seizures. I end up losing all my maternity leave weight, plus another 20 pounds.

Osiris Stephen:
So what we were talking about, like 30 pounds.

Nina Simmons:
So I gained maybe twenty five pounds of maternity leave and then I lost another 20.

Osiris Stephen:
So when you were pregnant, when you were you were pregnant like nine must peg you about 140, 130, 140. I don't know.

Nina Simmons:
Some? No, probably more than that. I don't know all the numbers. I think it was Monday night. I know you were a guy.

Osiris Stephen:
Let me just say, because I remember because you were concerned that you hey, I'm getting too big, but I'm like, hey, you got to eat the other babies. You got to eat.

Osiris Stephen:
So I think it was around 135, 140. It was run that rain range. That's why I started off with. Yeah. Because then I went to the one 50s probably when I was pregnant. Really? Because you ended up I think you ended up around 120. You were actually way below. So. Yeah. That's about right. 150 in the you end 120. Yeah. You know, lower than that.

Nina Simmons:
Yeah. And so. Yeah. So I ended up losing it because I was just depressed. So I'm not thinking about sex at all. Like I'm not thinking of anything casual. Anything that had any pleasure. Least I didn't go out with friends. I we I went through a period where we isolated ourselves from friends and family. So, you know, having fun, was it?

Osiris Stephen:
It was. Let's have it. Not really. We tried to make the best of what we had at the time, even with each other. I mean, how many fights have we got? How many times did we think we were gonna break up during the four years going through this time?

Nina Simmons:
Probably a lot, probably. I think a lot of poverty stemmed now knowing now that, you know, men get grumpy and irritable when they're hey, hey, you know, you say men.

Osiris Stephen:
You talking about me in general, though, don't say grooming.

Nina Simmons:
I'm mad at you. Yeah. OK. So is it that you get kind of grumpy that that probably caused a lot of friction?

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah, well, it did. I mean, I'm kind of frustrated. I'm no longer deterred. I can't I can't or don't want to go outside our relationship. So I have you. And so I was like window shopping. You have no money.

Osiris Stephen:
And then you do. But it is like that.

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah, right. Exactly. It's like, hey, you know, I can give you a hand, but I'm not going to sup is like you figure it out, take a cold shower.

Osiris Stephen:
And it's like there were some times where you try to figure out like I try to figure out, well, is it personal? Is it me? Is it. Does she find me attractive anymore? She you know, is it over between us? Is that what we thought it was? Is not there? Did we'd lie to each other? It's like I don't even know what to think anymore.

Osiris Stephen:
So I start to develop these ideas in my mind.

Osiris Stephen:
I know you're probably doing the same because after was just start to wear off because this is like day in and day out. You know, you come home from work and it's like, yeah, barely kids, we barely hug. And it was like when all things is like, OK, how is his day? It was like only about him.

Osiris Stephen:
And I understand that. So it's like we forgot about each other. We suppress who we were to each other and just focus like just mom and dad. That was all we were.

Nina Simmons:
And what is nice? I recently disclosed that to me that he thought maybe I wasn't attracted to you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm now a guy. Oh, man. I know that. That sucks that he felt that way. Well, that wasn't the case. It wasn't that I wanted to be with another man. I'm looking at other men. I was just like I was not interested. I just was too stressed out. And I didn't know you were feeling that way. And I was like, wow. I was actually really happy that you said that to me. Really? Yeah. Because I was like, oh, shoot. I didn't know. And I felt I didn't know that. And, you know, how could you go around thinking now your wife doesn't want you anymore? That has a lot to carry around.

Osiris Stephen:
It is like, oh, yeah. All right. It was surprised, surprise. But I think for the most part, despite the fact that we really couldn't communicate with each other without having those emotions or those ideas that build up in our mind, we never really expressed to each other now. And I didn't understand that. Like, why couldn't we express what we feel and feel? It was safe enough to do so because it without us having this animosity each other are just like this wall. Like is my way or is my thoughts or, you know, it was like, why are you respecting my feelings or my wishes? Because, I mean, we've gone through back and forth with that as like this is what I want to do. Well, I don't like that idea. But it's like, well, where do we find that happy medium then? Because I know they do. You know, people told me about marriage because it's the first marriage for the both of us. It's not like we've been married before and gone through this experience the first time. Parents as well. So a lot of this is new and we're learning and at the same time, we can't really go outside a say, hey, guys, what do you guys do? Because everybody is different.

Nina Simmons & Osiris Simmons:
Yes, everybody situations are different situations. And. So there's only so much.

Nina Simmons:
So, yeah, we can really have a like a married couple that also had a child with epilepsy. Yeah. So we didn't have that community that to turn to. So we did feel basically on our own.

Osiris Stephen:
We went oh basically in our own mind.

Osiris Stephen:
We were on our own until we started really doing research and finding other families that were also going through what we were going through. But I don't think sex was one of those common sense. Or do you know sex and Cannabis was even a discussion? I think that's something that we did on a wrong. We kind of like experienced it and now we share with other people what we did and what we went through.

Nina Simmons:
And I think I wanted this episode because I have friends also who have children with special needs and. They also, you know, discuss some, you know, hardships that they're going into their in their marriage. So we're not alone here. And we, Tom, as you can be, says I'm as you think you're alone against us, against a world. No one else knows what we're going through. It's just us. But come to find out that's not the case.

Osiris Stephen:
Well, true, but I don't know how many families are going through. Me too.

Osiris Stephen:
It seems that I mean, like because Adam was still going through a seizure and still continues to go through his seizures at night, which concerns us that we made a decision. You know what? He's got to sleep with us. He's been sleeping with us for the past. What, he's six now, six years has ended. But he sleeps with us. But then also because you've been lacking sleep, that you've had to sleep either in the living room because you can't sleep with him.

Nina Simmons:
That was another point. So a child with epilepsy, then a lot of times their seizures on at night are in the middle early morning.

Nina Simmons:
So we sleep with Aiden because we don't want him to have one where we are not. They are present. The exactly deceives, you know, you know, to see what's going on, to make sure he's on his side, make sure he's breathing to eat.

Osiris Stephen:
So that is a sense end to that system because builders are not sleeping. I remember the time with me that no one was sleeping in the house. He was having seizures in the middle of nowhere, waking up. We had to create a protocol like if he has a grandma in the middle of the night, like 1:00, 2:00 in the morning. This is what we need to do, get an ice pack, put in a base of his neck. Who's going to get up and get it? You know, who's going to keep an eye on him? So no one's really sleeping, especially with both of us. Had to be up at five, six o'clock in the morning to get ready for work.

Osiris Stephen:
But it sounds like he gets off at 6:00 or 5:00 a.m. or times. He was getting up at 5:00 every morning on that die. That was absurd, no matter what time you went to bed.

Nina Simmons:
So he has to sleep was a huge issue because if you're tired, then in not going to have any real energy for energy for anything.

Osiris Stephen:
That's why I didn't want even as they went like like I came to think about, I'm so exhausted, as I said, as we were sleeping in.

Nina Simmons:
And then sometimes I wouldn't even sleep in the same bed with them because I'm a light sleeper. So I had as I was sleeping on the couch, you know, we're in our one bedroom, one bedroom, you know, Harlem apartment. So that became that became another factor.

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah. But you were on a call. But think about you on a couch for about what, year and a half? Two years. Yeah. Wow.

Osiris Stephen:
So. Yeah. So that so that kind of disrupted our intimacy, us being even close. And even if we were in a bed together, it was between us. Yes. So we never really have you know, like when we first got married, we were engaged and we were living together.

Osiris Stephen:
The hugs to hold each other, kissing all that, that kind of I should tell for.

Osiris Stephen:
It's been like. But for years, really, 46 years, actually, cause you think about, you know, for years because when he started developing the seizures and everything. So you figure. Yes. But about four and a half years and pray that we get a good two, three bedroom. Yeah. Right. And he might even then. But even then someone's bound to sleep with him. Yeah. Yeah. Is it. Well it might be a lie. Maybe not. Remember. Yeah, hopefully not. I mean not to say that the CBD oil he's been using Cannabis was hasn't been helping. It has greatly. I mean you talk about a kid who's been having two hundred a day. So we're about 90 percent.

Nina Simmons:
So that doesn't mean he's seizure free. But 90 percent of the seizures that he was having is gone.

Osiris Stephen:
Yes. So is a . Experts come in there is sporadic throughout the day, maybe one or two or maybe four if he's rehabs. You know, if he's constipated, if he's overheated, you know, certain elements will trigger his seizures in that which we started noticing as well and we document. But for our relationship itself is a reboot in a way because of how far we've come and to where we are now in the sense that, you know, the intimacy is like only being on hold until further notice. You know, it's like. So what keeps us grounded? Now we're learning communication. And thankfully, what created communication was the fact that we started using Cannabis so we can kind of a conversation mellows out, you know, like you said, take the edge off.

Nina Simmons:
Yeah. You know, I think we see that pretty proud of ourselves by actually sticking to this and staying together that out to this shout out, I guess it's out in a couple of drinks in a couple of polls.

Osiris Stephen:
Yes.

Nina Simmons:
You know, I use a you said in the last episode, this is some things that people definitely believe relationship for.

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah. Because you had the question like, why am I staying? Like, what's keeping me here? Because we're not communicating. We're constantly fighting. None of us are sleeping. We have a child that's like totally in a state that he's going to because we need some his help. So it's like all these things, like where do I draw the line? Where do I fit in this? And we're constantly arguing. I mean, I think we were arguing like almost every day over something that just didn't make any sense half the time.

Nina Simmons:
I think both. Well, I know I can't speak for you, but I was always on edge.

Osiris Stephen:
Oh, yeah, I was, too. I didn't know it. It's funny because I'm working and I come home and I have my mind set like my home. When I first got married, my I thought my home was my place to have my peace of mind. But it seemed like my home has become the battlefield as opposed to just working, commuting and all that.

Osiris Stephen:
Those outside elements is like, oh, OK, I had to have my guard on 24 hours a day because I didn't know what I was walking into and not knowing what your day was like. Either, and I think that was one of things I learned is like. What is her day like? How is she handling certain things? And it was until now. So I was like four years later, now I'm starting to understand and get a clear picture of what's going on. Because again, we learned that A definitely be true. You know, when he's with you, then he is with me. Which could also add stress. And that's why I say he's getting to you. Grab that pen, grab that pen, take a couple polls and deal with him because some charity could take you emotionally to another level of life.

Osiris Stephen:
Like, okay, kid, you are asking for me to put some boxing gloves on. And, hey, we're going to hash this out right now. You're pushing the envelope with some kids.

Nina Simmons:
And I met a special needs mom. And she said to me, just listening to. And she says to me, I feel like every day I'm going to take me to stages as a me, too. Know, some days it's like you're always on edge.

Osiris Stephen:
Well, yeah, I mean, and I think that's why when, you know, you come as he's driving me nuts right now, he's destroying the places.

Nina Simmons:
Toys, Toys R I said take a couple of pulls. Look at him and have a conversation because boys need structure. They need to be organized. And these started they need routine. And if you're not giving it to them, they're going to tear your place apart. But also you have to be grounded in and again, having a Cannabis available, especially if we don't do the flower store. I just know that we have a pen and we use it. And I swear it does help take the edge it you out and you say, OK, let me look at these things with some clarity. OK, so what is it we need to do? What is are the issues? How do we address them and then take it from there without having these feelings like, oh, she should have done this. Oh, I've these families without those things. Oh, I had a hard day I'm bringing home with me. And, you know, we do that. We tend to bring whatever external feelings that we have and we project them. We livery protectors. I hear I and dumped this stuff on you, even though it's all in my mind, I'm going to dump it on you.

Nina Simmons:
Well, I think that was a great. Very therapeutic.

Osiris Stephen:
Really? Yes. I mean, for me. For me, too, because I'm learning a lot. Yeah.

Osiris Stephen:
But what I do appreciate about what we're doing is that we create a safe space so we can actually express ourselves and actually talk freely without feeling anything.

Nina Simmons:
Yes. Yeah. Like you said, some things. And I was like, oh, OK. Like, there's no animosity, which I think as to the therapeutic value of this conversation.

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah. I think for the most part, I think from my my end is that I looked at things where I think you're personally attacking me. Like what? You don't see the good things that I do. Don't you know what kind of person? So it's like that ego that just starts to talk and it's not listening, you know, to what's going on. And that's what made it hard. And I think also there's some past things that I think we were still learning about each other that we never got to understand. You know how we work. Yeah, definitely. So.

Nina Simmons:
So I think after this for, you know, work in progress, we're still working on the other sex life. I think we just working on it. Everything is a work in progress. Right. And as I say, is another job.

Nina Simmons:
It's another full time job relationship for sure. So I think that is going to end this episode for the next episode.

Nina Simmons:
I think we should go in to our mothers using.

Nina Simmons:
Cannabis to help and cope with postpartum depression. Oh, yes. It's interesting. Yes. Interesting. So I read some articles and actually are Cannabis doctor was in the article and she's using it to help some moms. Oh, that's great. Yeah. So I think we could go into that sounds.

Osiris Stephen:
It does sound great because I know that it can help a lot of mothers out there.

Osiris Stephen:
Postpartum. I did not know how serious it was until I saw some people. I didn't realize it. It is it is really, really interesting. So very real. I guess what I'm looking forward to talking in our next episode is there's a lot for me to learn as a man and a husband. A father.

Nina Simmons & Osiris Simmons:
All right. You're listening. Game on. Yes. Hey, let me alone with my guys.

Nina Simmons & Osiris Simmons:
I. Chao, bye. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Love and Cannabis. I mean it more osiris. And we're the proud parents of Aiden strong and stay empowered.

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