Love And Cannabis 0005: Using cannabis to help manage the stress of raising a child with epilepsy

Raising a child with epilepsy is overwhelming and puts a strain on the entire family. ** Orisis Stephen and Nina Simmons talk about how the stress impacted them both individually and as a couple. They open up and share intimate and very personal stories about how cannabis helped them save their marriage. Their honesty is refreshing and inspirational.

*Produced By MJBulls Media | Cannabis Podcast Network*

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LC0005 G.mp3 was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the latest audio-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors. Sonix is the best way to convert your audio to text in 2019.

Dan Humiston:
For too many years, families have children with devastating illnesses felt helpless as they watched their child suffer. Today, they're taking matters into their own hands and finally, finding relief. Treating their child with Cannabis. This is one family's story.

Osiris Stephen & Nina Simmons:
Welcome to another episode of Love Van Cannabis. I am Nina Simone and I am Cyrus Stefan and we are the proud parents of a step in.

Nina Simmons:
Hello. Thanks for tuning in for another episode. So today we are tuning in from New Orleans, New Orleans No Land.

Nina Simmons:
We are here for a wedding.

Nina Simmons:
And Hurricane Barry, whenever he shows up and shouts at a bride and groom, Marlena and Tamir, for their wedding. And actually, we are doing a vacation. Just me and oh, Saya is our first time, I think is our first vacation. So without it, it is really, really nice. Call it. People are calling this on social media. A bay vacation is when you just take a couple with your vacation, with your significant other. So we're doing that. And actually, it's quite refreshing. We never really do this. We always about 8:00 and we never talk about the children. You know how this is always about, you know, about the kids or we never even do date nights, which is really bad. But so we're enjoying it. So today's episode, we're going to talk about how we used. Cannabis to help cope with a lot of stressors that we face.

Osiris Stephen:
Yes, especially what new areas of what our relationship just us, you and aid in family. Also dealing with our finances, careers and even our health. Yeah. So that is all encompassing.

Nina Simmons:
Yeah. Life is hard, ya. So it is. You need to know. And you know when you have a child that has any type of special needs, whether it's an allergy as my us is, epilepsy in autism is really big now. It really, really makes life a lot harder. You know, life was already hard. Marriage is already hard. But when you add a child that has some type of me special needs, it just changes everything and make things like 20, 30, 40 times a hundred times harder.

Osiris Stephen:
So what it does is also you also look at lean on people maybe not ready, like your partner may not be ready to be leaned on so heavy because it's like I'm doing with these other issues on my exam. So we have our individual issues that we're dealing with are individual stressors, whether it's work related, whether it's just a travel. Sometimes you're stuck in traffic for an hour or two hours to get back off, forth to work, or is the fact that, you know, certain things that are out of your previewed. Also, now you're doing your lap and, you know, maybe a bill that you forgot about or maybe some debt or some other outside interference that's causing you to deal with some stressors. And now you have this so you only Cannabis. It definitely, definitely helped us in just removing that stressor and allow us to deal with the issues at hand.

Nina Simmons:
So for me, anxiety is huge for me. I'm an anxious person who's just kind to put it out there. So I have a lot of anxiety then dealing with Aiden in his situation. He just shot out my anxiety. You know, I was basically like a ball of anxiety walking around every day. And that really took a impact on our relationship with me. You know, Cyrus. He's more of a laid back person. And I'm always anxious. So that was like a barrier. You know, me always being nervous about everything being on edge. I'm not I'm rarely ever relax. And I always have this. I'm always in a state of worry. I remember a friend of mine did. I got a live feed on you two. I mean, Facebook. And it was saying charge her child has allergies to everything. And she said she was always carrying around this fear and this anxiety. And it's the same thing for me. But Aidan, having epilepsy is so random. Some days are awesome and some days things would trigger him, whether he's in, he or he's tired and didn't get enough sleep. Well, I just never know. So I always have this like. Heavy heart with anxiety and some sadness and. It's not cool, and I'm trying to find ways in the Cannabis has helped me. You. I take it at night. Helps me sleep. But like I always kind of deal with this. And it definitely put a burden on our relationship. I know you would definitely do that, right?

Osiris Stephen:
Oh, my God. You to come off so strongly about it. But yeah, there was times where I'm like, I need you to come off the edge. It's like, I don't know what. I'm coming home to me, what I have been dealing with. And it starts usually in the morning because I'm a morning person. I get up and I want to get the day started, but I want to get started on a good note for you when you get up in the morning, it's like I'm 110. Yeah, you're 16.

Osiris Stephen:
I'm like, shut up. I'm like, you even have coffee. You didn't brush your teeth. You were like on 10 and 8.

Osiris Stephen:
And he wakes up with a smile and like with my phone, you know, he's ready to get started.

Osiris Stephen:
But I mean, to start your day off, it is already tented field is hard to get through the day after that because you're nervous and a lot of time for Nina when she projects like that stress. I could see her face. I could feel her body, her energy as he walks that she's concerned about Aiden. I feel it now. I'm doing it. I find myself in certain days where I should be laid back on with aid and not worry about him and just letting him. You don't have blood letting him do his thing. I'm more about. Okay. Oh, my God. Is he. Is he going to fall here? Is he going to do it? It's like, oh, my God, I'm behaving like my wife. I'm like, OK, I got to fall back. But this time I go back and forth with them like, this is not fair to us for the whole household that I share with Nina. Like, look, if we get caught up in our emotions at this, we will forget the good days that we do have to have the day and we do have some good days. But if we focus on the negative days, we'll forget that we had good days. And then we're going to think that every day is gonna be a bad day. And that's what's going to fall into the idea that, you know, if you think it's be a bad day. Well, you know what? It's gonna be a bad day.

Nina Simmons:
Yeah. I mean, I struggle with this a lot as a mom shouts all the moms out there. There's something to say when you carry a child. I'm not this not to say that the fathers don't have a connection, but do something that I have a connection with. Even like I know before, Cyrus, when you're gonna be sick. True to him. I know. I give you my looking at him. Oh, no. Something's wrong. It sounds like. What? He's fine. I'm like, yeah, paid off. I play it off like you. She's like 80 percent, 90 percent of. All right. So that's like a burning. The mother has a actually having this like sixth sense, like, oh, new something is wrong. Like, I could be at work. And I'm like, oh, time's up. He's like, I'm like new. Something's up. So is like you have to kind of have this balance between your motherly sense and being paranoid. And that's what my balance has to come. Sometimes he's fine, really, and I'm just like being paranoid. But there are times where I'm like, no, he's not fine. And I feel it before. Oh, Cyrus can see it. Not to say that fathers are not there, but mothers. I think something about carrying their child, of course, is that can you have this like strong connection? Of course. Of course. And I think that also drives minds, makes Heidi as well.

Nina Simmons:
So it could be very rough. Another thing when you have life is just hard in general. So when you are married, it's it's already hard to people coming from different background. Background. Oh, yeah. So definitely different. We laugh about it a lot.

Osiris Stephen:
The fact that we're OK. We have an age gap. We grew up in different types of household. I grew up in a one bedroom apartment. She's grown up in a house with a picket fence. You know, is different, though, different about it. But yet, in certain names that we have drives, we have passions. You know, we have goals that, you know, things we want to see. But we go about life differently. You know, I am laid back and just kind of like because I've seen the ugly of the world because, you know, the neighborhood I grew up in, it was not nice and it was not safe. I've known people who have been killed. I've known people. I've been robbed. I've seen, you know, the worst the society has to offer, but is always gave me a look at the other side and saying, you know what? There's a better place, you know. And so when I see my family go through it, I'm like, you know, it's gonna be all right. It's all right. And I think a lot of it comes from my upbringing and my mom, you know, being a rock, the foundation of my family and our siblings. I mean, this is a woman who raised four kids on our own and all have graduate from college, all have degrees, you know, doing their careers. So it's like it's different, you know?

Nina Simmons:
Is very different. Outlook is different.

Nina Simmons:
So I'm like stressing in a one bedroom apartment. And I'm like, I'm OK with it. I mean, how are you? I grew up with it. I do it like this is what I want to live. So then I get those out of my back.

Osiris Stephen:
They've got to relax about it anyway. You know, I'm not stressing with this exactly why I must stress. But when you start stressing, you stress me and I'm like, OK, all right. All right. What am I stressing? I'm like trying to figure out what I should be stressing about. I'm like, I don't see why I'm stressing about some stress of the fact I don't see it. And so that those are communication off. And I think time is. Problem we have is I can see the sky is blue, she's like, it's gray. What is blue is great. What is gray? It's fluid, gray.

Osiris Stephen:
And we go back and forth is like, is this is your ? Because it's like we're both saying the same thing, but it's just the interpretation that puts an added stress. And then when we go into finances, it's like, hey, I got look at the numbers. The numbers are down. But I'm like, I got to see the numbers. Well, just put the numbers together. I got it. But let's sit down and go over the numbers. The numbers are there. I'm like, OK. And we go back and forth and it's like, OK, we are on the same page, but we're looking at from different perspectives and spectrum of the scope. So it makes it even harder to even deal with health. He didn't even do with this our careers because I've had to make a change in my career in order to accommodate what's going on with eat it. And my wife is like, I'm about my career. But at the same time, I will make certain accommodations. So we both are trying to make our careers work. We're trying to make our finances work in all dealing with our son and his issues. So it's an added stress is a lot of stress.

Nina Simmons:
And oftentimes times we just focusing on him. Yes. So 90 percent of the time we're like, oh, how can we help him with this? How can we help him with his homework?

Nina Simmons:
So it's all about him and is rarely ever about us. Yeah, I'm developing our relationship. Like we said, we don't go on vacation. We didn't have a date night. People are posting pictures about date night. Oh, it was that was that. We never do a date night. We'll do it. We want to eat with Aiden. In fact, most of us that we ever talked about, hey, you know, let's talk about us. Never. I think we don't. We don't. And it's sad. And I think when you just read things about him and we really never focus on each other, you know. So and that's another added stress, you know? And, you know, we're laughing and joking about this. But, you know, we do get. I would do really dark times. Yeah. So what do you feel disconnected at times to me? Absolutely. And I do, too. It's sometimes I sometimes don't even know which person I might be talking to my Dena..

Osiris Stephen:
Am I talking to nervous Nina or I'm talking like Nina who just checked out is like it's like Nina who's ready to talk. It's just like, I never know.

Nina Simmons:
Yeah. I mean, I think you. I'm like, OK. Yeah.

Nina Simmons:
He's a Gemini, so I'm ready to a grumpy, not grumpy, happy, sad who to which one that we're dealing with.

Nina Simmons:
And you know,, we all feel different emotions at different times. So I may be happy and maybe mean a time where scientist is grumpy because he had to face it. When things are he's feeling the brunt of relationship at a different time that I'm feeling.

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah. Yeah. Especially as a guy, you know, I have needs lessons as I feel my needs are being neglected. But I'm not realizing that, you know, those moments is that she's thinking about ADA. And for me is like, well, who's thinking about Iris, you know?

Nina Simmons:
Yeah. So, yeah, it's going to be real. The sex sometimes is not nonexistent. Yeah. And that makes him grumpy and he's.

Osiris Stephen:
Well, hello. I hope it's just me. He says he stresses me out, but sometimes I'm just too tired. A woman I know you out there like is not interested in other guys, is they? We teen coming home, homework, cooking, cleaning. But end of the night. Even this child does go. My eating goes a bit early. But by that I am like white. Like there is no well, man, it's like I'm like I'm not hugging anybody.

Osiris Stephen:
I just I just want sleep. Yeah. I mean, there's moments I've had that too as well, as long as anyone doing anything. But then there's those moments that are actually more so than others. Yes. I'd like to get cut off a little bit nibbled on, you know, like there's a man. Yeah. You have those physical needs and to suppress it and say, OK, I understand it's hard. No pun intended. It is really challenging to like say, you know what, I'm willing to put my feelings or my sexual needs aside in order, allow my wife to deal with whatever she's going on. And she got it and is like, OK, so what do I do in the meantime?

Osiris Stephen:
You know, I like a conversation you could have because it's like she's like, I don't care. You figure it out. I'm just adding up. Go into my days, sweetie, but I'm making sure I get through that day. Lucky I made it work today. Yes. And then come home. They have to deal with you in your analysis, right?

Nina Simmons:
Exactly. Exactly. Oh, my God. So I just want to talk to you, Josiah. So there was a time. Oh, boy. You did express to me that you felt like you wanted to leave the relationship. And you know what? My response was like, shoot you.

Nina Simmons:
You owe me.

Osiris Stephen:
So we built a relationship.

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah. But I guess I did. I mean, I'm like, yes, there was times it was gotten to the point where I'm like, I even know why I'm here. Yeah. I didn't even understand what my purpose was. I knew that I wanted to be here to help my son and help you with whatever. But ignore I. Couldn't help you because the voices that were in your head were louder than the voices that I can express in trying to help you. So I had to pull away from trying to help you because I couldn't get to you. So I knew that the reason why I was there was, OK, well, put all feelings aside, put my needs aside and just focus on aid. And I bought into that idea because of you. I bought into it. And if thinking that does not give you a peace of mind knowing that, OK, we're both going in the same direction, the same support, but it didn't alleviate the stress. I recall one night you and I were going to have a serious conversation. Call me at work is like, look, we need to really talk to Nam like I was a big conversation. So I'm like, all right. I ended up getting a VPN and I'm like, all right. Sit down. Because I said, before we even start talking, here's a pen. Yeah. Take a pill. I take a poll, couple polls. And we sat down. We waited. It was probably the best conversation we ever had in our lives. Yeah.

Nina Simmons:
It was great because a Cannabis for me took the edge off. Yeah. So Alan able to relax without being all lined up and pent up. Cause I'm a serious person, guys. I'm just I'm just this way. I am. So that kind of took the edge off and I was able to express to you what was going on. You were saying with me. And I think that really helped us.

Nina Simmons:
Oh, yeah, definitely. In fact, you actually left a couple of my jokes. Exactly.

Osiris Stephen:
Because I'm so serious. Yeah. Because those are my jokes.

Nina Simmons:
And that's the thing. Like your relationship. They are gonna be times we will get, oh, my God, I need to leave. There's like I cannot take it here, you know, and it's common. And when you told me that I was like common, just nothing interrupted.

Osiris Stephen:
It is so common that we find that out of the 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce, 90 percent that do end up in divorces cause they have a disabled child in. Oh, yeah. It's not crazy if you think about it. Like what was a record is not a record, but was document was like one at a 35 or 40 kids that are diagnosed with autism.

Osiris Stephen:
Could you imagine? Yeah. So a lot of people divorces some single parent. They don't got the single yes or label in our situation.

Nina Simmons:
And it's just a stress. Yeah. If you still love each other and the love is still there. But is does the added stress that added stress. And like when he said it to me, I wasn't like take him back on like. I get it. Yeah. We dealing with some rough stuff, you know. And I think we use a Cannabis what we did and allow us to talk and I got to. I see. Took the edge off. Yeah. I only got to see where he was coming from and he got to see where I was coming. Yes. You know that's true. That's basically what it is like. Having is like understanding. Yeah.

Osiris Stephen:
I think I think that's a part that was missing is the understanding. We think we and we say we understand, but we don't really until we actually like not have our own perception or can see the ideas of what the understanding is.

Nina Simmons:
Yeah. I don't really know what was always going through your head and you know, it was going to my head. But then we were coming out with these stories in my.

Osiris Stephen:
Yes. Up. Yeah. Mixed up. And it was like causing this. Lovely. Okay.

Nina Simmons:
Everybody said to me, I was even thinking that you weren't. Oh, but I thought that ugly. Yeah. You thought.

Osiris Stephen:
But that's not what was going on. This was what I was doing.

Osiris Stephen:
Then it's like, oh my God. You feel like a fool. Like, I could have actually ruined our marriage. I could've ruined everything on basically misinterpretation because I just we just didn't talk and clearly understood each other.

Nina Simmons:
Communication is key. It sounds easy, but is it really, really, really hard?

Osiris Stephen:
It is. And right now. I mean, right now we're in a process was like, hey, you know what? Let's look for a new place to live. And I mean, with our student loans. I mean, my God, my school loans are sick. Yours is just up there. I have no income, don't match and is like, okay, I got a degree and. Yeah. What? Now what think we try to figure out and then we have a child. And so we have to take all these other factors like the distance from where we want to be, the travel time. Also with the best schools and possible all these. Do we want to be in the service or do we want to be in a city, you know, and it's like, is it closer to your job? Is it closer to my job?

Osiris Stephen:
And those are starting to be adding stress to the point where I'm like, look, you know what? I even want to talk about moving anymore because the cost of the homes or through the roof. And then on top of that, our cost of our living is almost through the roof. So it's like how do we make this work? And not to say that Cannabis gonna solve that problem, is not it? At the same time, it allows us to take the emotional aspect out of it a little bit to where we can just like sit down and focus like, OK, let's address these issues without the emotional attachment.

Nina Simmons:
Yeah. I would look at logically exactly for me. As you know, CBd is very good for helping people with anxiety. So I do take it for anxiety purposes and I just did it at this time wanting to do the pharmaceutical out. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety. I was seeing a counselor. I didn't want to take the medication. I want to try the CBD. And it has been helping me sleep, is helping me take the edge off right now so I can like focus and actually deal and have a company show on Sirius. So it does help. You know, for particularly the oppression that I live in New York City. Let's be serious. War is stressful.

Nina Simmons:
Most people have anxiety. I'm sorry. You knew the law was going to work on that train wreck. Anyway, just walking down the street is stressful. We all have anxiety. Cuz keep it real.

Nina Simmons:
I'd like to acknowledge it. And for me right now, the get help. I'm not saying that I'm only going to do that. I do try to get into exercise, meditation, running, spirituality, my religion, faith. God, I'm trying to do all that. But in the days where it just gets too much. I do go to the Cannabis. Yeah. Yeah. Just saying. I just do. And I don't do it. We don't do it every day. But you know what is healthier than drinking alcohol for us is by then the wine, which I was trying to do, that, you know, that glass of wine, sometimes more than wine.

Osiris Stephen:
So but might help you sleep. But it's healthier.

Osiris Stephen:
It is healthy. Is reconnecting to your body and getting it, you know, getting that tension off because, you know, you never go to a bar and find people who are completely, you know, engulfed in Cannabis or in a bar fight. But you go to a bar that's serving alcohol there in a bar. So there's a difference in the body and the mindset when you're doing Cannabis. So, I mean, if you want to have like a great conversation with your partner, if you had tense, try it. Yeah.

Osiris Stephen:
So why is it like video connect?

Osiris Stephen:
It does allow you to click because it removes layers of self doubt, self perception that you may have about your partner or even yourself. Sometimes we become insecure even around our own partners. Like, how does he see me? How does she see me? How did she feel? Me? Are you putting all these things up and up your partners by thinking about, oh my God, I go to work. How do I tell him or her that I didn't pay the bill or when I just got fired or I'm on the brink of being fired? And you're thinking that your partner is thinking something told you about you and it's not about you. It may be somewhere else mentally. Yeah.

Nina Simmons:
It's the last layers, you know.

Osiris Stephen:
But if there's anything you do together as one of those things. This is like let's do it together to see, you know, just experiment. And I think that was the best part about us. And really, she was just like as Nina knew nothing about this world. Absolutely. Let's be real. Right. You know nothing about it until we set out and you start talking about it to our son. Yeah. Didn't try it just for us. No relationship.

Osiris Stephen:
We Aiden's using it right now. We try. Yeah. Exactly. Obviously, we have to trust you, right? Yeah. If it's helping him, is that going to hurt us? You know what I think is something in general when you get into leadership, trying to have something that you guys do together. You know, we do this together. We do? Yeah. I said, do we do anything else for the bucket?

Osiris Stephen:
Okay. I look forward to that.

Nina Simmons:
Hey, guys, I mean, you guys can relate to and look forward to doing it together. That helps too. And if his Cannabis. Hey, go for it.

Osiris Stephen:
Yeah. Why not? That's one of things. There's plenty that we're down here for a wedding. And I was talking to the bride and she's like, you know, do you have any advice as I give the best advice I can have. Despite my situation is that you kind of laugh and you kind of find those moments that laugh that you share laughed it together, because that's going to carry you through the bad times. It's those moments where you could just sit back and laugh at each other no matter what. And be okay with it, because if you don't laugh, you got to just go remember that all the bad times. You like. There's got to be most where you got to remember like, oh, my God, that was so funny.

Nina Simmons:
Yeah, it's so funny. So before we wrap it up, sometimes, you know what? Screw the kid. Yeah. Like not in a negative negative way, but sometimes it's so much about them that you feel you get used up. You know what? Screw them. You know, they're always going to have, you know, going to have us and going to be there, you know. But sometimes it may not, you know, and ultimately that's what you want. And part of what you know. Yeah. And then also, you can't take care of your kid if you're not healthy.

Osiris Stephen:
Yes. Lee, physically and emotionally, especially to you and your partner, are at odds. It's like your kids are going to see it. They're going to feel it. And it's like it's already another thing you don't want to add. Have fun. Make the best of it. Granted, you know, there's gonna be some rough spots, but if you don't look for the bride, a part of you, it just makes it harder. You know, and I am starting to enjoy you more so now than before. And I say that I didn't blame you for just saying now I think we've just gotten over that hump is a whole lot of homes.

Osiris Stephen:
I didn't get a Mount Mount Everest. Many bodies ever. You know. So we're going to go and try to enjoy each of them a little bit more.

Nina Simmons:
And this NOLA. But what do you think we should talk about that close out? I don't really do.

Osiris Stephen:
I think there's more to this as we deal with Cannabis in living in a relationship, because I think we'd even get into this somewhat.

Osiris Stephen:
I don't know the s word sex. OK. Oh, the sex. But you know what? You can actually sex and Cannabis. It does work because again, there's so many layers to that to is itself. Yeah. Let's let's talk about that without being too personal.

Nina Simmons:
Ok. I don't know how you can. I mean, I don't think. It is getting pretty personal, but hey, why not?

Osiris Stephen & Nina Simmons:
Yeah, yeah. To help us see or hear how personal we do get. Right. So that is a wrap ya, child. Thanks. Have a great day.

Osiris Stephen & Nina Simmons:
Thanks for tuning in. Another episode of than Cannabis most nights at 7:00. And I mean, it's going to be strong and empowered.

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